woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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