It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
