So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
