This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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