end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
