Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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