so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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