i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
