she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love having hate sex.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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