I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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