I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
