he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
