I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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