First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
