pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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