then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.