he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
