If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.