So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"