I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
