my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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