I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
