There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
