the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
