I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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