This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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