the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
