I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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