my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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