I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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