So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
