the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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