oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Are we still banned from the library?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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