I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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