The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
