he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
