I'm lost and stupid without you.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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