I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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