you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
