Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
