Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
