So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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