I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
