I only kidnapped one of them. chill
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize