I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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