So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
