Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
