please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I want is dick and wine.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
