since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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