did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize