I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
are you so shy because you have an std?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
