I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
