Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
