I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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