HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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