so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
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The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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