i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
