Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
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Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
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Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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