Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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