I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
At least life still wants to fuck me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
