dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
