Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
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He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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