oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
