Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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