It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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