im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
